


Don't Go

by AnonymousRebel666



Category: Star Wars: Thrawn - Timothy Zahn
Genre: Discrimination, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Sleeping Together, Tears, Thrawn Needs a Hug, Xenophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 18:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12304980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousRebel666/pseuds/AnonymousRebel666
Summary: Eli Vanto has a conversation with his xenophobic parents, which Thrawn manages to hear. Eli finds out about Thrawn's past. Thrawn goes full depress mode.





	Don't Go

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos on my previous works. I would like to start adding in my artwork to these fanfics, as soon as I find out how :)

Ensign Eli Vanto stared at the holographic image of his parents, reluctantly listening to their words.  
“Eli you need to know that you can never trust a Chiss, you remember the stories!” his mother pleaded with him. Eli rolled his eyes.   
“Mother! Thrawn isn’t like that!” Eli tried to talk to his parents normally, but it never worked.  
“Thrawn? So we’re allowed to call him without his title then?” his father added in angrily. He sighed, he knew it wasn’t going to be easy introducing Thrawn to his family.  
“You don’t understand! You’re assuming every Chiss is like that, just because they are a different species! We get along, so why shouldn’t we be friends?!” Eli felt like his parents would never understand.  
“Because he’s...” his mother paused, as if not wanting to say the rest.  
“Oh! Just because he’s a Chiss? I never knew I had such xenophobic parents! Thanks a bunch!”.   
“Eli, we want to protect you! You know what they’re like!”.  
“But you don’t know what he’s like! You only met him once!”.  
“One time too many!”.   
“Dad!”.  
“Eli, I want you to rethink your future! You either stay with... him.. or you come home, to a SAFE environment!” Eli was in shock. He couldn’t believe his parents made him choose.  
“Well, if I’ve to choose between xenophobic parents, and a good friend, I choose Thrawn then,” Eli said quietly, only realizing what he had done.   
“We didn’t bring up our son to mix with aliens!”.  
“I’m not a son to a pair of xenophobic jerks,” Eli ending his transmission, and stared blankly at the wall in front of him. He was sitting on his bed, still clutching the transmitter. He slammed it down angrily on the bedside table. Eli didn’t know how to exactly feel about this, but he wasn’t sad about it, just shocked. Thankfully his roommate was out for the time his parents called him...  
“Ensign Vanto?”.  
He wasn’t.   
“Ensign? Are you alright?” Eli didn’t turn round to face him, and he didn’t want to. He felt a warm touch on his shoulder.   
“Eli?”. Eli sighed and turned round to face the Chiss, forever asking questions. His red eyes were glowing softly, and Eli could read that they were showing concern.  
“I’m fine,” he replied, sighing again. Thrawn scanned him up and down, as if examining a piece of art. Eli rolled his eyes and sighed irritably.  
“I’m not sad or upset if that’s what you want to hear. It’s just.. sometimes I feel like they aren’t there for me anymore,” Eli looked away, not exactly comfortable with talking about his parents with Thrawn.   
“Not that you would understand,” he added quietly. He could feel his stare on him. He swiveled his eyes to look at him, and for some reason, Thrawn looked... hurt? The Chiss looked down, the red gaze finally shifting away from Eli.  
“Your parents are alive,” he said simply. Eli turned round to look at him, confused slightly.   
“I do not remember you talking about siblings?”. Eli shook his head, growing all the more confused.   
“Do you have any idea what children go through when they’re adopted?” Thrawn looked up, his voice harsh. The realization hit Eli like a bullet. Before he could ask Thrawn about it, the Chiss turned round and swiftly left the room, leaving Eli standing. Eli felt his heart go heavy.

Later

Eli was on his bed, staring into his data pad, starting grow worried about the whereabouts of Thrawn, who had suddenly stormed off. He thought about what he said earlier. Did this mean that he was adopted? Did he have any siblings? Where his parents dead? Suddenly so many questions clogged his mind. He checked the time. Pretty late. Eli slid of the bed to go look for the Chiss, opened the door only to run into Thrawn himself.  
“Ensign, it is late, where do you think you’re going?” Thrawn closed the door behind him and pushed Eli back into the room gently by the shoulders.   
“Looking for you,” Eli admitted hesitantly, scanning Thrawn up and down. His voice seemed panicky, but now his facial expression had calmed down to what it was when he was at the door. Thrawn observed him silently before sitting down at his desk, getting back to work. Eli sighed and did the same. Or, at least he tried to. He just couldn’t concentrate. The words in front of him blurred and his head spun. Eventually, he gave up and put his data pad on his desk, before collapsing gently on his bed. He forced himself up to pull off his uniform, folding it neatly on his chair. However, the same questions were nagging at him, and he brought himself to ask. He took a deep breath.  
“Sir?” Thrawn looked up from the data pad. “Are your parents... dead?” Eli managed to ask, however immediately regretting it. The Chiss looked down, and put the data pad on his desk. He stayed silent for a while before looking up. “Yes,” he said quietly, his eyes observing Eli. “They died when I was.. quite young,” he looked away, his throat tightened and his face flushed the lightest shade of purple. He stood up sharply, back turned to his human companion, and began undressing. Eli slowly approached him, stopping at his desk, and observing him, noticing his hands were trembling slightly. The Chiss turned round to face him once he was only in his underwear, and felt Eli had to get closer to him. His eyes wandered across the blue muscular chest and chiseled abs, before looking straight into his red stare. Eli raised his eyebrows.  
“Do you want a hug?” he joked with a smile, expecting for Thrawn to ignore him. Thrawn’s own eyebrows jumped up a bit, eyes widened and lips parted.   
“Yes,” he panted, before pulling Eli into an embrace, clinging on tightly like a lifeline. Eli was taken aback by this. If Thrawn ever made physical contact with him, which was rare, it was a handshake or an accidental “brush by”. Eli hugged him back, resting his head on the Chiss’s warm chest, doing his best to comfort him. Thrawn buried his face in the clump of hair underneath his chin. He screwed his eyes shut, as a stronger sadness built its way up his chest.   
“How old were you? Eli asked softly, slowly stroking the Chiss’s back.   
“I was.. merely a toddler,” Thrawn trembled. “Me and my older brother were put into adoption soon after-“ He couldn’t continue. The tightness in his throat made it impossible to talk. He decided to get rid of it. He reluctantly let a single tear roll down his lilac cheeks, dripping off his chin and into the human’s hair. He trembled more and his breath became broken and hitched. Eli noticed this and hugged him tighter. Thrawn slowly lost control.  
“He said... he’d be there for me.. look after me... and now... he’s gone,” he sobbed, and hugged Eli so tight, it almost suffocated him. Memories were overflowing his mind, pulling him out of the expressionless, icy officer impression. The tears which were streaming down openly, had created a wet patch in Eli’s hair, as Thrawn clutched onto him like a lifeline, like a small child cuddling its favorite toy. Eli gently guided him to sit down on his bed, still overwhelmed with the thought of Thrawn crying. It was a strange sound. Low and raspy, but still containing the icy calmness. He knew it was late, and both of them were exhausted. Eli slowly tried to edge himself out of Thrawn’s arms, but they were to strongly and tightly bound round him. The Chiss shook his head, not wanting to let go, tears still pouring freely from his red eyes. He tried again.  
“Eli please. Don’t go!” Thrawn almost pleaded, cradling the younger man closer to his bare blue chest. Eli’s cheeks grew red a little. He stroked his back again, making him cry louder, and tried to shush him gently. This time when he tried to edge away, Thrawn reluctantly let him go, and wiped the tears away with the back of his blue palm. His face was almost purple. Eli stood up and turned off the lights, the quicker Thrawn’s eyes adjusted to the dark, the sleepier he’d get. Now the only thing Eli could see were two bright red beacons in the dark. Soon enough, he was back in the blue cage of arms, but Thrawn had stopped crying. His soft heartbeat thumped gently against his ears, and he could tell Thrawn was calming down.   
“You wanna go to sleep? It’s pretty late and we’ve got class tomorrow,” Eli gently pushed Thrawn down to lying position on his bed, and covered him with the sheets. He pulled them over himself and rested his head on the pillow. He brushed away the remaining tears and rested his hand on his cheek. Thrawn leaned into the touch as he closed his eyes, the room falling into pitch blackness. Eli gently stroked his cheek, still lilac, and slowly lulled him to sleep. “Eli...,” Thrawn whispered before falling asleep. He sighed and observed him the best he could. All he could see, was a dark outline of his chest, rising and falling as he breathed. Eli never really saw him sleep, as Thrawn would refuse to sleep before Eli would. He sighed and climbed into his own bed, only metres apart. It didn’t take Eli long to go to sleep, still overwhelmed with thoughts.

Middle of the Night

Eli swam to the surface of sleep and woke up. He opened his eyes sleepily and checked his comm for the time. 0300. He groaned and flopped back to his pillow. He was used to waking up in the middle of the night, and usually he would just fall back asleep, but this time, something was different. His parents’ words tugged at his mind. Why was this world so xenophobic? Why were his parents, at whom he’d always looked up to, supporting it? Why had Thrawn opened up to him about his past so suddenly? Had he heard the conversation? And why, after being so emotionless and closed, was he so emotional and opened? He always tried to avoid body contact, so why wasn’t he avoiding it now? Questions danced around his mind, and he was about to try and go back to sleep, when suddenly he heard rustling coming from Thrawn’s bed. He never moved in his sleep, unless he was having a really bad nightmare. This meant he was awake. Eli slowly turned onto his back, and discreetly looked at the bed. Oh he was awake alright. He was holding a small holopad, displaying a picture of two young boys, both blue faced and red eyed. There was what looked like an approximately 3 year difference between them. The older one was hugging the younger one, and was, or at least it looked like it, tickling him behind the ear. The younger one’s mouth was open, the picture had caught him mid laugh, and was trying to playfully get away from the older one, which was also caught mid laugh. Eli figure that the younger boy was Thrawn, and the older one his brother. It was strange seeing him showing any actual emotion, as most of the time he seemed emotionLESS, however Eli had learned to read his expression, and right now, Thrawn looked as if he was on the edge of heartbreak. It was visible that his throat was tight, his eyes were glowing softly, his hands gave a twitch every now and then. He was gripping the bed sheets tightly and there was a single tear resting underneath his eyes. Eli’s own eyes watered at the sight of him. Suddenly he put the holo pad down on the sheets and bit down on his knuckle, his eyes screwed shut, leaving the room illuminated only by the blue light of the holo picture. Tears flowed down his cheeks, which had turned purple and he started to tremble. Small gasps were all Eli could hear, but it destroyed his ears, he couldn’t just lie and listen to it. Or watch it. Thrawn reached for the holo pad, took one last look at it, opened his drawer and buried deep inside. He turned round, his back to Eli, and must have took his knuckles out his mouth, because the room was filled with a loud gasp for air and a sob. Eli couldn’t take it anymore. He silently slid of off his bed, and padded to the side of Thrawn’s. He craned his neck to look at the shivering mass on the bed.  
“Th..Thrawn?” Eli whispered as he stepped closer to his bed, his voice rough with sleep. Thrawn’s body seemed to curl up, and then suddenly sit up on the edge of the bed. Two red beacons stared at him.   
“Eli please, go back to sleep,” Thrawn tried to say, but his voice wobbled too much not to be noticed. Eli ignored him and sat down next to him, outstretching his arms offering a hug. Thrawn took no hesitation in throwing himself into the human’s arms, taking him aback once again. He pressed Eli against his bare chest, nuzzling his nose into his hair. He hauled the younger man onto his lap, and before he could react, lay back onto the pillow. Eli’s weight on his chest felt pleasurable, and even the slight hitch from his breath and blush of his face made his heart relax.   
“Th..Thrawn.. I..,” Eli stammered, his face red with embarrassment, as his knee dug into Thrawn’s thigh. He was getting closer and closer to him, physically and emotionally, and it started to worry him. He tried to slide off him, but Thrawn was holding too tightly.  
“Eli. Please, stay,” Thrawn whispered, a few stray tears still flowing down his cheeks. Eli nodded almost reluctantly as he relaxed himself on top of Thrawn. He wrapped his arms around Eli’s waist, holding him close and tight to his chest. Eli looked into Thrawn’s eyes, and suddenly realized how intimidating he could be. Thrawn pulled his head down, laying it on his shoulder blade, his lips brushing against his ears made him shiver, and Thrawn liked it. Eli close his eyes and started falling asleep. However he couldn’t. He could hear Thrawn’s heartbeat, and it wasn’t calmed down yet. Suddenly he felt something hard and big dig into his midriff. Eli bit down on his bottom lip to stop himself from gasping out. Thrawn’s heartbeat increased again. The thought of Thrawn getting hard at him was extremely disturbing to him. His breath hitched as felt his cold fingers at his neck, sifting through his hair. He forced himself to relax, as he soon found the gesture soothing. He was on the edge of sleep, when suddenly he felt Thrawn flinch underneath him. Eli looked up to see Thrawn asleep, but clearly having a bad dream. He was muttering in Chiss and moving his head. His heartbeat was much faster and his muscles were tense. Eli shook him gently.  
“Hey.. Thrawn? Thrawn?” Thrawn started to mutter louder and his actions became more violent. Eli quickly slid off him and shook him again. Thrawn actually cried out this time, sending a fist flying through the air, nearly smashing Eli in the nose.  
“Thrawn! Wake up!” Eli’s eyes widened as the Chiss started to moan and shout, still not understanding what he was saying. Still asleep, Thrawn suddenly grabbed his wrist, digging his nails into his veins. Eli had to grit his teeth together not to whimper. He shouted something in Chiss again, before moaning loudly. He tried to pull away his wrist again, but it was much too tight. He slowly uncurled the blue fingers gripping him, and finally freed himself. Then Thrawn sat up so suddenly, that it made Eli crawl back.  
“Eli! NO! DON’T GO!” Thrawn shouted in Basic out before finding Eli again and pulling into an embrace. The Chiss was trembling. And awake.   
“Thrawn. It’s alright. I’m here,” Eli shushed, curling up against his chest. He swiveled his eyes up, to find Thrawn’s wide red eyes gleaming at him. He was panting heavily. Eli nuzzled into him and, once again, tried to go back to sleep. All the while, Thrawn clung onto him protectively, never loosening his grip on his back. Soon enough, Eli’s breathing slowed down, and he was almost asleep. Thrawn however, couldn’t sleep. His nightmares were unbearable. They were so real. His eyes heavy with sleep, he started to slowly drift off into another one:  
The storm troopers dragged Eli towards the hangar, he was thrashing and struggling. Thrawn ran after him, but the faster he ran, the closer the troopers brought Eli to the hangar. Thrawn’s chest was tight. They had no right to take him away from him.   
“Please no! Don’t take him!” Thrawn found himself shouting, but in Chiss. “Thrawn!” Eli called out. The storm troopers pushed him into the transport, and shut the doors. He ran faster. Suddenly he felt arms hold him back. The transport flew up and out of the hangar.  
“ELI NO!” Thrawn screamed in Chiss. He clawed at the arms of the troopers holding him back, but it was no use.  
“Speak Basic, alien!”the trooper snapped as they dropped him to the floor.   
“Eli come back!” He cried, blinking back tears. The scene started to fade...

“Eli come back!” Thrawn choked on his own voice, gripping the younger man tightly and shaking him. He looked up into his glowing red eyes.  
“I never left Thrawn,” Eli whispered. Thrawn calmed himself, before nuzzling his face into his hair.  
“I do not want to lose you the way I lost my parents and my brother,” Thrawn felt sleep tugging at his mind again, and as he was falling asleep again, he managed to hear Eli muttering.  
“You won’t,”.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want me to write more Thrawn/Eli fanfics, just comment and I'm more than happy to get started


End file.
